“Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:40–41). Even though I find comfort in those words I still feel that I do not fully understanding that scripture. I notice as I am walking away from the path it is a conscience decision. I lay down to rest at night not saying my prayers, and do not follow the prompting to get up and plead with Heavenly Father. I also will brush off my feelings of guilt when I do not read my scriptures daily.
That is not the flesh as I have defined it in my mind. My body has the full capability to fulfil those things, but I just make the choice not to do them. Is that the flesh, or my spirit? I contend it is my spirit. My sole. It is Straydog who makes those choices, not some flesh and bone part of him. It is the same Straydog that came down from a spiritual existence with God to be here and make the right decisions. I am the lazy one. I cannot blame it on the body that houses my Spirit.
I fully understand that I have great temptations, as everyone does. And sometimes because of the sins of my past my spirit is craving the habits of a sinner, but I have total control of this body. I know my hands do not move unless I tell them to do so through my thoughts. Just like President Monson said in October Conference quoting Brigham Young “If Brother Brigham shall take a wrong track, and be shut out of the Kingdom of heaven, no person will be to blame but Brother Brigham. I am the only being in heaven, earth, or hell, that can be blamed.” He continued: “This will equally apply to every Latter-day Saint. Salvation is an individual operation.”
I pray that I can overcome the habits that are destroying my closeness to God and my Family. I plead for my family and myself. The scripture is so true, "for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the children, unto the third and fourth generations of them that hate me" (Mosiah 13:13) This is not that Perfect will be in anyway accountable for what his father does, but because of my actions I "model" a sinner, which will bring that sin upon the head of my son, if he follows me. I also do not teach him the correct way to handle the myriad things that happen to us upon this earth. My father was an alcoholic and did not teach me how to handle certain situations, because his way of handling it was to grab a bottle. I do not use that, but I have my own "drug of choice" which takes me away from my path back to God.
When I begin to falter I think about and actually plan my departure. It is a habit. I do not think of myself as ever being a good worthy man and father. I believe my real problem, that a good friend and Priesthood leader pointed out one time, I just simple forgot/forget who I am. It is bad thinking. I do not understand it totally, but I do know it is a pride issue. Also I have the power to control my thoughts. I simply need a new prospective. I will start praying for that.
Writing gives me time to think and ponder my day. It is a great blessing to stop, ponder and pray. Writing also gives me the time I need to receive ideas, and inspiration so that I can see things more clearly. It also records those ideas so I can hold myself accountable for those things I do receive and the goals I have set for myself.
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