The Flesh

I have been giving this a lot of thought. The Lord certainly had a reason to say what He did. Who am I to question it? I have at least answered this dilemma in my own mind. As I have been recovering from surgery I have been willing many times to do things, but the flesh is so weak. I want to have ten times the strength I have, but I can't have it for months.

The day the apostles were asked to stay up, must have been grueling. I can't imagine the spiritual and physical stamina it must have taken to just last until night fall. Then to be asked to stay up, the flesh must have been overwhelmed with fatigue. The Spirit, or our sole, is so willing, but this body can only handle so much, it is so weak.

I am so glad I have come to this realization. It just goes to show prospective is everything. I must keep that in mind as I travel down this road. Everyday I am learning how to be nice to my family. I am nicer to most people, and I sometimes am nicer to friends and strangers then my own family. I have come to the realization years ago that if we have low self-esteem we treat our family like we think we should treat ourselves. With no respect. It is a personal self esteem issue if you do not treat your family well. I need to focus on that more. I may say it, but doing it is a totally different thing. Self-esteem is built over years, and it cannot be changed overnight. All the self-help books will not help if you do not remember who you really are. A child of God.

Angel is in this category. Perfect and I have not modeled this to him. If we do not teach him, he cannot learn this. As I study the scriptures it helps me understand more of what my relationship to God is, and that gives me self worth. If God can love me, even when I am so slothful, then I should be able to love myself.

I often think of me as God when I see my son not use good judgment. I feel so sad and feel almost helpless to help him because I can't stop him, but I feel overwhelming love for him at the same time. Wanting what is best for him, but allowing him to make those decisions on his own. I am sure as imperfect my love for Angle is, God loves me so much more. He is perfect in his love. It saddens me so much as I think of my Heavenly Father being sad over my foolish and selfish actions.

This is a great prospective that I never would have had without a child. The Lord has blessed Perfect and I with a wonderful child. We have a home, we have many things above and beyond many people who are on this earth. We are richly blessed, and yet somehow I am selfish and petty in my action to my family, myself and my fellow man.

I continue to plead with the Lord for the salvation of my family as I travel down this road of repentance having faith in the process. I have felt the warmth of the Lord many times in my life and pray I can feel the warmth of my family in the temple soon.