Combat Zone

As I walk into the door of my home and yell out some kind of greeting, I usually do not get a response from Perfect. I don't know if she didn't hear me or just ignoring me. I try to maintain some type of optimism that she just did not hear me but most of the time that is not the case. Once it is established that Perfect does not even acknowledge that I am in the house/room either with verbal or non-verbal responses I either feel overwhelming despair or anger almost instantly. I vacillate between these the rest of the time I am with her. The non-acknowledgment continues the whole time I am with her. She will talk but only when absolutely necessary, and even then she will stop cold in the middle of a haphazard conversation, with no Que to let me know why she stopped. I repeatedly apologize for not being more patient, but those statements never get validated by Perfect. She never says she is sorry, she never allows me to make a mistake, she just will either not say anything or tell me it is unacceptable. She mocks me if I show signs of tears or sadness and she tells Angel I am only doing it for the show.
I woke up the other night with my heart racing. It was after Perfect decided she could not sleep in the same bed as me and went down to the dungeon and slept on the couch down there. I am truly scared that some night when Perfect is raging she will come in to our bedroom and stab me. I know this fear is unrealistic, but I still have it.
This is my world, I live this daily. Perfect shows no joy most of the time. Never any joy with me. I beg for her to stop running around the house and just sit and talk with me. She gets angry if I even ask. I have very little joy in my life. the only joy I have is music and good people. Some of the people are friends, some are just acquaintances but talking and telling jokes with them brings me great joy and I thank God for those people. I can also listen for hours to a song that has meaning to me. Most of the songs on my play list have deep meaning to me...I know I am weird:) but they do.
The other night some friends asked Perfect and I over to play games with them. Perfect prefers not to go, not because she did not like the people, but because she does not like any social event. As an example she has missed the last two birthday parties for her nephew who is 2 yrs old. It is an excuse for her family to get together. She gets along fine with everyone but it has been Angel and I who attend. Perfect will not be feeling well or just not want to go at the last minute. So we drive the hour and a half to get there to show support for her family. I am tired of making excuses to friends and family why she is not attending or why our whole family will not be attending an event. I go if Angel wants to go, or if I really need to interact with good friends, but I hate the obvious question, where is Perfect? I do my best to save Perfect from any negative impact by making a reasonable excuse, but it is becoming more and more apparent to others that something is wrong.